From the WSJ Opinion Archives

by JAMES TARANTO
Monday, May 14, 2007 12:10 P.M. EDT

Oh No, Not Agana!
Who says the Democratic Congress isn't getting anything done? By a vote of 288-133, the House last week approved the Guam World War II Loyalty Recognition Act, described by Congress.org as follows:

Recognizes the suffering and the loyalty of the people of Guam during the Japanese occupation of Guam in World War II.

Directs the Secretary of the Treasury to make specified payments to: (1) living Guam residents who were killed, injured, interned, or subjected to forced labor or marches resulting from, or incident to, such occupation and subsequent liberation; and (2) survivors of compensable residents who died in war or survivors of compensable injured residents (such payments to be made after payments have been made to surviving Guam residents). Defines "compensable Guam decedent" and "compensable Guam victim."

In fairness, the bill, whose text you can read by clicking here and going to the fourth version listed, doesn't actually refer to "living Guam residents who were killed." Still, isn't there something screwy about the idea that the U.S. taxpayer should be paying reparations for atrocities committed by the enemy more than six decades ago? No wonder we can't afford the war in Iraq.

We Won't Take Any More of Your Shiite, Iran
The New York Times reports on an encouraging development in Iraq:

The Supreme Council for the Islamic Revolution in Iraq, one of the country's most powerful Shiite parties, announced Saturday that "revolution" would be dropped from its name and that Iran's top cleric would cease to be the party's dominant spiritual leader.

The change--made to the party's platform at a meeting here on Friday, leaders said--reflected an effort by the group to shore up support among nationalist Iraqis and American officials who have questioned its loyalties because of its Iranian roots.

The Supreme Council was formed in Iran more than 20 years ago with a stated goal of installing a government in Baghdad modeled on Iran's Islamic revolution. But with Saddam Hussein gone and the newly named Iraqi Islamic Supreme Council controlling roughly 25 percent of the seats in Parliament, the need for radical change has passed, the group's leaders said.

"The name should be consistent with the facts on the ground, so there is no need to talk about revolution anymore," said Jalal al-Din al-Sagheer, a Supreme Council leader in Parliament and a hard-line cleric. "The word means change, and we have achieved the changes through the Constitution."

The New York Times-owned Boston Globe reports from Tehran that the influence of Iraqi Shiites is growing even there:

Some Iranians are intrigued by the more freewheeling experiment in Shi'ite empowerment taking place across the border in Iraq, where--Iraq's myriad problems aside--imams can say whatever they want in political Friday sermons, newspapers and satellite channels regularly slam the government, and religious observance is respected and encouraged but not required.

In Tehran's storied central bazaar, an increasing number of merchants are sending their religious donations, a 20 percent tithe expected from all who can spare it, to Iraq's most senior Shi'ite cleric--rather than to clerics closer to Iran's state power structure, said Jawad al-Ghaie, 48, a wholesaler of false eyelashes and nail extensions and a respected lay donor.

Speaking carefully to avoid directly challenging the Iranian government, he and several fellow merchants suggested that Iraq's Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani holds more spiritual sway because of his lifelong commitment to quietism. That is the school of thought that says Shi'ite leaders should stay out of government, and Sistani has stuck to it despite the great temptation to wade into the chaos of Iraqi politics.

Yet even as the Times and its daughter paper report on these excellent results of Iraq's liberation, the crazies on the Times editorial page want to put the whole thing to a stop. It's a crazy mixed-up world on West 43rd Street.

Mistaking Words for Weapons
The day after the Virginia Tech massacre, we noted that an earlier shooting at a Virginia campus had been cut short when a student with a legal handgun helped subdue the killer. We suggested that perhaps Virginia Tech officials' decision to designate their campus "gun-free" was not the wisest choice.

Well, it's a good thing we aren't still in college, and not only because we're way too old. If we were, we might have gotten into trouble just for employing our First Amendment rights to defend others' Second Amendment rights. It happened to Troy Scheffler, a 31-year-old graduate student at Hamline University in St. Paul, Minn., as City Pages, a local weekly, reports:

In the aftermath [of Virginia Tech], officials at Hamline University sought to comfort their 4,000 students. David Stern, the vice president for academic and student affairs, sent a campus-wide email offering extra counseling sessions for those who needed help coping.

Scheffler had a different opinion of how the university should react. Using the email handle "Tough Guy Scheffler," Troy fired off his response: Counseling wouldn't make students feel safer, he argued. They needed protection. And the best way to provide it would be for the university to lift its recently implemented prohibition against concealed weapons.

"Ironically, according to a few VA Tech forums, there are plenty of students complaining that this wouldn't have happened if the school wouldn't have banned their permits a few months ago," Scheffler wrote. "I just don't understand why leftists don't understand that criminals don't care about laws; that is why they're criminals. Maybe this school will reconsider its repression of law-abiding citizens' rights." . . .

On April 23, Scheffler received a letter informing him he'd been placed on interim suspension. To be considered for readmittance, he'd have to pay for a psychological evaluation and undergo any treatment deemed necessary, then meet with the dean of students, who would ultimately decide whether Scheffler was fit to return to the university. . . .

Scheffler obeyed the campus ban and didn't go to class, but his classmate, Kenny Bucholz, told him a police officer was stationed outside the classroom. "He had a gun and everything," Bucholz says.

Hey, wait. Why would the policeman need a gun? Oh yeah, for protection!

Death Row Delivery
Here's a feel-good story from CNN:

Hundreds of homeless people in Nashville, Tennessee, ate well Wednesday evening--all in the name of a man who the state put to death just hours earlier.

Philip Workman, 53, requested that his final meal be a vegetarian pizza donated to any homeless person located near Riverbend Maximum Security Institution. . . .

But prison officials refused to honor his request, saying that they do not donate to charities.

That apparently upset a few people willing to pay for and deliver a lot of pies themselves.

Homeless shelters across Nashville were inundated with donated pizzas all Wednesday. . . .

"I was like, 'Wow, Jesus!' " said Marvin Champion, an employee of Nashville's Rescue Mission, which provides overnight shelter, food and assistance to more than 800 homeless people a night.

"I used to be homeless, so I know how rough it gets. I seen some bad times--not having enough food, the cupboards are bare. But we got pizza to feed enough people for awhile," Champion said. . . .

Donna Spangler heard about Workman's request and immediately called her friends. They all pitched in for the $1,200 bill to buy 150 pizzas, which they sent to the Rescue Mission.

"Philip Workman was trying to do a good deed and no one would help him," said the 55-year-old who recruited a co-worker to help her make the massive delivery Wednesday evening.

Aw, this is so sweet! Workman wanted to help the homeless; what a great guy! And those prison officials who denied him his last wish--what a bunch of unfeeling bureaucrats!

Just one thing. We hate to rain on everyone's parade, but we happened to notice one little detail, buried in the 18th and 19th paragraphs of the CNN story:

When Workman robbed a Wendy's in Memphis, Tennessee, in 1981, he was a strung-out cocaine addict looking for a way to pay for his next high, he has said.

He was homeless at the time. Workman was convicted of shooting and killing Memphis Police Lt. Ronald Oliver during the robbery.

It's nice of Donna Spangler and all the other good people of Nashville to help out the homeless. But instead of pizza, they might have sent hamburgers, in honor of Ronald Oliver, who never had a chance to eat his last meal.

Just Keep This Between You and Whoever
From the Associated Press:

Former NFL rushing champion Ricky Williams tested positive again for marijuana last month, which will delay his return to the league until at least September, a person familiar with the case said Friday.

Williams sought to end a one-year drug suspension last month when he asked to rejoin the Miami Dolphins. But following the positive drug test, clinicians in the NFL's substance abuse program advised commissioner Roger Goodell to delay reinstatement, the person close to the case said.

The person spoke on condition of anonymity because of the confidential nature of the testing program.

A "confidential" testing program apparently is one that shields the identity of its employees when they reveal personal information about the poor sap being tested.

Who's Counting?
A New York Times editorial criticizes the Bush administration (now there's a shocker) for not proposing to spend $18 million on the Census Bureau's "partnership program, which is central to the bureau's strategy for ensuring that all Americans participate in the census." The paper credits the program with making the 2000 census more accurate than previous ones:

Racial minorities, in particular, were more accurately counted than in previous attempts. In 2000, the African-American undercount was reduced by more than half--to 1.84 percent from 4.57 percent in 1990. The undercount for Asians, Hispanics and Native Americans vanished.

Without robust partnerships, minority undercounts are likely to revert to earlier levels. That might be good for the Republican Party, because minorities tend to vote Democratic, while white suburbanites, who are generally overcounted in the census, tilt Republican. But miscounts in any direction are bad for democracy.

It's fair enough to say that the census should come as close as possible to counting everyone--though the whole exercise seems sort of quaint if it's true that we can know, to an accuracy of a hundredth of a percentage point, how far short it falls.

But can it really be true that "white suburbanites," the Times's bête blanche, are "generally overcounted"? Do people in the suburbs really have so much time on their hands that they spend it filling out multiple census forms? And if so, why do they bother? Just for fun, or to keep the black man down?

Great Orators of the Democratic Party

  • "One man with courage makes a majority."--attributed to Andrew Jackson

  • "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."--Franklin D. Roosevelt

  • "The buck stops here."--Harry S. Truman

  • "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country."--John F. Kennedy

  • "My granddaughter Julia is 3 years old. She goes to preschool. Even in preschool, they gang up and they bully. The parents at that preschool tell me that my Julia steps in and she stops it. She will not put up with bullying and unfairness. It is our turn. Be as brave as a 3-year-old. Vote for HR 1592."--Rep. Lynn Woolsey

He'd Better Get to an Orthopedic Surgeon
"Obama's Hip Status Slips During Visit"--headline, Richmond Times-Dispatch, May 11

Life Imitates the Onion

  • "Middle East Conflict Intensifies as Blah Blah Blah, Etc. Etc."--headline, Onion, April 26

  • "Rival Palestinian Factions Clash in Gaza"--headline, Reuters, May 11

  • "Syrian Democracy Activists Jailed"--headline, BBC Web site, May 13

Life Imitates Sour Cream and Onion
"Oil States Cash to Dip, Says IMF"--headline, Financial Times, May 13

Mars Ain't the Kind of Place to Raise Your Kids

  • "Bombing Mars Cheney Iraq Trip"--headline, Agence France-Presse, May 9

  • "Gunfight Mars Launch of New Plan to Bring Quiet to Gaza"--headline, Associated Press, May 10

  • "Fistfight Mars Boston Pops' Opening Night"--headline, Reuters, May 10

Dude, Where's My Car?
"Bush Says He'll Seek Accord With Congress on Iraq Benchmarks"--headline, Bloomberg, May 10

Summer Is on the Way
"NASA Study: Eastern U.S. to Get Hotter"--headline, Associated Press, May 11

They Call It 'Buddy's Law'
"Hearing Scheduled Today on Clinton Dog Ordinance"--headline, Clarion-Ledger (Jackson, Miss.), May 11

We'd Have Guessed Vermont
"State No. 1 in Nuts"--headline, Las Cruces (N.M.) Sun-News, May 10

How Come We Never Get Freebies Like This?
"Mich. Cop Avoids Charge for Pot Brownies"--headline, Associated Press, May 11

'Ja, He Really Overacted'
"Norwegian Meat Packer Recalls Ham"--headline, United Press International, May 10

'It Started as a Simple Disagreement . . .'
"Three US Firms Recall Beef"--headline, Foodconsumer.org, May 12

What Do the Sweet Potatoes Say?
"Rice Says Turkey Leaning Toward Europe"--headline, Associated Press, May 10

Secretary of Sewing
"Rice Goes to Moscow to Mend Ties"--headline, Reuters, May 13

'I Quacked! I Cried!'
"Ducks Get Great Reviews"--headline, Los Angeles Times, May 14

'Here, Catch!'
"Fla. Judge Tosses Reporter Subpoenas"--headline, Associated Press, May 11

World Ends, Etc., Etc.

  • "Minority Areas Get the Boot: Crews find more eligible cars in those communities, city says"--headline, Chicago Sun-Times, May 13

  • "Poor Turnout at Budget Hearing"--headline, Garden City (N.Y.) News, May 11

Klinger Dons New Dress to Mark Occasion
"Former Hawkeye Pierce Moves to Illinois"--headline, Associated Press, May 11

Someone Set Up Us the Bomb
"Junior Wants a Break a Race to Sing Him Begins"--headline, WSOC-TV Web site (Charlotte, N.C.), May 11

News You Can Use

  • "Will We See More Mosquitoes After All This Rain? We Might."--headline, Wichita (Kan.) Eagle, May 11

  • "Some People Are Prone to Accidents"--headline, Daily Telegraph (London), May 12

  • "Yanking Tiger's Tail Not Smart"--headline, Chicago Tribune, May 11

Bottom Stories of the Day

An Immovable Object
For those of you who still use snail mail, the new postal rates take effect today. It now costs 41 cents to mail a one-ounce first-class letter, up 2 cents from yesterday. But rates have gone down as well. Each additional ounce now costs just 17 cents, so the price of a two-ounce letter has dropped to 58 cents from 63 cents.

As if that isn't confusing enough, the U.S. Postal Service is now differentiating between regular letters and large envelopes known as "flats," which cost 80 cents to mail. And check out this directive:

All large envelopes (flats) will be required to be rectangular in shape. This includes square pieces.

That means that if you have a large envelope that is square, the USPS will deliver it only if it is also rectangular. If it isn't, it will be impossible to deliver.

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