by JAMES TARANTO
Monday, May 1, 2006 3:33 P.M. EDT

Lack of Raves Prompts Rants
You'll never believe what the Angry Left is angry about now. It seems the biased right-wing media are trying to cover up . . . a comedy routine! Editor & Publisher, the trade magazine for Bush-hating newspapermen, tells the story:

A blistering comedy "tribute" to President Bush by Comedy Central's faux talk-show host Stephen Colbert at the White House Correspondent Dinner Saturday night left George and Laura Bush unsmiling at its close. . . .

[E&P's Joe] Strupp, in the crowd during the Colbert routine, had observed that quite a few sitting near him looked a little uncomfortable at times, perhaps feeling the material was a little too biting--or too much speaking "truthiness" (Colbert's made-up word) to power.

Over on the Puffington Host, Peter Daou, who worked on the 2004 John Kerry* campaign, describes the performance in this way:

The White House Correspondents' Association Dinner was televised on C-Span Saturday evening. Featured entertainer Stephen Colbert delivered a biting rebuke of George W. Bush and the lily-livered press corps. He did it to Bush's face, unflinching and unbowed by the audience's muted, humorless response.

He then quotes the enthusiastic reactions at DemocraticUnderground and the Daily Kos and faults the mainstream press for not seeing it the Angry Left's way:

The AP's first stab at it and pieces from Reuters and the Chicago Tribune tell us everything we need to know: Colbert's performance is sidestepped and marginalized while Bush is treated as light-hearted, humble, and funny. Expect nothing less from the cowardly American media. The story could just as well have been Bush and Laura's discomfort and the crowd's semi-hostile reaction to Colbert's razor-sharp barbs. In fact, I would guess that from the perspective of newsworthiness and public interest, Bush-the-playful-president is far less compelling than a comedy sketch gone awry, a pissed-off prez, and a shell-shocked audience.

This is the power of the media to choose the news, to decide when and how to shield Bush from negative publicity.

Daou's sentiments are echoed by fellow Puffingtonians Jesse Kornbluth and Chris Durang.

The trouble is, Colbert bombed. Both E&P and Daou acknowledge this in roundabout ways ("[the audience] looked a little uncomfortable at times, perhaps feeling the material was a little too biting"; "the audience's muted, humorless response"). If you'd like to evaluate it for yourself, you can download the video here, have it streamed in three parts (uno, dos, tres), or watch a series of clips of Bush and Colbert. There's also a transcript.

Our review: We've seen Colbert's Comedy Central show a few times and thought it was pretty good, but here much of his material wasn't funny, and even the stuff that was good, he managed to deliver badly. Here's an example, the line we thought funniest:

Mayor Nagin! Mayor [Ray] Nagin is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city! Yeah, give it up. Mayor Nagin, I'd like to welcome you to Washington, D.C., the chocolate city with a marshmallow center.

This drew a hearty laugh from the audience--and anyone who's familiar with the demographics of Washington can see why. But Colbert then lost control of his metaphor:

And a graham cracker crust of corruption. It's a Mallomar, I guess is what I'm describing, a seasonal cookie.

A graham cracker crust of corruption? Huh? As for the Mallomar, it's not only a seasonal cookie (not made during the summer, when it would melt) but a regional one. According to the Bergen, N.J., Record, 70% of all Mallomars are sold in New York and New Jersey. Did Colbert's Washington audience even know what he was talking about?

Here's an example of the anti-Bush humor, in which Colbert adopts the persona of a Bush supporter:

Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.

Or maybe this joke is at the expense not of Bush but of the Angry Left, for their whole "reality-based community" conceit and their professed devotion to opinion polls. Who knows? But if you're left scratching your head trying to figure out what a joke means, chances are you aren't laughing.

National Review's Jonah Goldberg raises an intriguing question:

It is enduringly fascinating how deeply invested many liberals are in comedians (and to a lesser extent, movie stars). There's of course Al Franken and Jeneane Garofalo (a recovering somewhat funny person), but even Jon Stewart is increasingly becoming a Big Thinker according to some liberals. . . . What does it say about the "real" spokespeople of the left--journalists, politicians, activists et al.--that the most appealing figures are ones who get to hide behind clown make-up whenever the kitchen gets too hot?

It may show that they are envious of conservatives, who have had great success at mocking liberals, who can neither dish it out nor take it. This is because liberals take themselves way too seriously--which ensures both that they are easy targets for mockery and that they do not do mockery well. For an example, check out the blog of Duncan "Atrios" Black. It is almost totally devoted to mockery, and it is totally devoid of wit.

Colbert has considerable wit, though plainly it is not enough--or not yet well enough honed--for what he tried to do Saturday night.

* "Do you think he's a flip-flopper, or more of a straddler?"

Next Year They Won't Serve Fondue
"Bush Skewers Self at Correspondents' Dinner"--headline, Reuters, April 30

Great Minds Think Alike

"Murtha Assesses U.S. Army as 'Broken' "--headline, Washington Times, Dec. 2, 2005

"Al-Zawahri Says U.S. 'Broken' in Iraq"--headline, Associated Press, April 29, 2006

Trouble in Paradise
A month after Hamas took over the government of the Palestinian Authority, "a growing number of Palestinians . . . believe they are now closer than ever to civil war and bankruptcy," reports the Jerusalem Post's Khaled Abu Toameh:

Boycotted by the international community, [Prime Minister Ismail] Haniyeh's cabinet is still struggling to raise funds to pay salaries to more than 140,000 PA civil servants. They have not been paid for March and many of them say they can't even afford to travel to work.

Hamas has thus far failed to raise enough funds in the Arab and Islamic world. True, its leaders have been promised tens of millions of dollars by Iran, Libya and a few Arab countries, but the money has still not been transferred to Ramallah and the Gaza Strip. A drive by Hamas to collect donations from Arabs and Muslims has also failed because of the failure of Arab banks to cooperate. . . .

In addition to the financial crisis, the Hamas cabinet is also facing a political and diplomatic boycott by most of the world. Foreign Minister Mahmoud Zahar, who has just wrapped up a tour of a number of Arab countries, including Saudi Arabia, Kuwait and Libya, is about to return home with a suitcase full of promises and little cash.

This after reportedly having $450,000 in cash stolen from his suitcase in Kuwait. Toameh also reports that "Palestinian Authority officials here expressed deep concern over the weekend about reports that al-Qaida was planning to assassinate top PA leaders":

The latest measures were taken after a hitherto unknown group calling itself al-Tawhid and Jihad [Unification and Holy War] distributed leaflets in the Gaza Strip threatening to kill a number of senior officials belonging to [Mahmoud] Abbas's Fatah party.

This is the first time that the group, which is believed to be headed by Jordanian arch-terrorist Abu Musab Zarqawi, has issued a leaflet in Gaza, indicating that al-Qaida elements had begun operating in the area. . . .

Muwafak Matar, a senior Fatah activist in the Gaza Strip, strongly condemned the threat as an attempt to spark civil war in the West Bank and Gaza Strip. "Why are the Zarqawis of Palestine focusing their efforts on issuing threats to kill Palestinians?" he asked. "Why now and what's their goal?" He added: "Doesn't the Palestinian citizen have the right to shout, 'Enough is enough' We have reached the red line of tensions and restraint."

Indeed. Imagine if the Palestinian Arabs had shouted that back in 1948, when the U.N. offered them a chance to have their own country.

When 'Pro-Choice' Means No Choice
"After eight years of chafing under the rule of Republican Gov. Bill Owens, Colorado Democrats have a candidate for governor with a real shot at winning--and he opposes abortion," the Washington Times reports from Denver:

Bill Ritter, the former Denver district attorney who's running unchallenged for the Democratic gubernatorial nomination, doesn't describe himself as pro-life--but he is also not pro-choice--thus violating what has become a virtual litmus test for Democratic officeholders.

Hmm, he isn't "pro-life" and he isn't "pro-choice." So what is he? You have to read to the end of the piece to get to the explanation:

Mr. Ritter doesn't shy away from his opposition to abortion, although he's quick to assure Democrats that he has no intention of advancing a pro-life political plank.

"I'm opposed to abortion as a matter of conscience for me, but our agenda doesn't involve changing the law," Mr. Ritter said at a meeting of Drinking Liberally, a club for young, urbane Democrats.

His agenda places the emphasis on reducing unintended pregnancies and promoting adoption as an alternative to abortion. He said he also would restore state funding for family planning cut by Republicans, and that he would have signed the emergency-contraception bill recently vetoed by Mr. Owens.

Opposing abortion "as a matter of conscience" while wanting to keep it legal used to be a completely acceptable Democratic position; it was espoused by Mario Cuomo, the very liberal former governor of New York, for instance. But according to the Times, Colorado Democrats view Ritter with great skepticism:

At a Democratic gathering last week at a trendy Lower Downtown bar, Andy Bosselman said some of his liberal friends decided to stay home rather than meet Mr. Ritter, who dropped in to rally the troops and answer questions.

"The abortion thing made them think he's socially conservative," Mr. Bosselman said. "I think for Colorado he's probably as good as we can get. I wouldn't consider him a strong ally, but he's probably better than [Republican candidate Rep. Bob] Beauprez."

That lack of enthusiasm was echoed by Kathryn Wittneben, executive director of NARAL Pro-Choice Colorado.

"We obviously would have liked to have had a strong pro-choice candidate running for governor," she said, adding that her group was "still in discussions" with the Ritter campaign.

Meanwhile in California, Jerry Brown, the former governor and current mayor of Oakland, is running for state attorney general, and opponent Rocky Delgadillo is painting Brown as insufficiently fervent for feticide, the San Jose Mercury News reports:

Delgadillo, in his first TV ad unleashed last week, seized on a 1988 letter Brown wrote on behalf of a woman who served 2 1/2 years in prison for breaking into a Pensacola, Fla., abortion clinic.

Joan Andrews had been convicted 67 times before and arrested more than 150 times for anti-abortion actions, but Brown wrote a letter seeking clemency for her. Then again, Brown was acting on a request by none other than Mother Teresa.

Brown consultant Ace Smith "said Brown is 'absolutely' pro-choice." Maybe not absolutely enough, though.

Eleanor's Epiphany
First Ellen Goodman, now Eleanor Clift. The shrill Newsweeker, in a puff piece on Al Gore, renounces John Kerry**:

Kerry turned out to be a wind-surfing dilettante who in retrospect reminded Democrats they had a better candidate in Gore.

One could argue that Gore--who couldn't win as a sitting vice president, despite prosperity and the illusion of peace--was no better a candidate than Kerry. But it's nice to see so many erstwhile Kerryites realizing "in retrospect" what we were saying back in 2002-05.

** "Well, I--I think that, you know, it's an awful situation. I don't--certainly things are not going to become--I mean, Kerry will be like Clinton or maybe worse. He's--people don't usually--you know, they rarely surprise you in a good way; but I think that, yeah, it's important to tell the world that, you know, we didn't like this, the things that have happened under Bush. I think we have to make the statement--that, you know, we don't want to go on that road anymore. So, you know, for me it's humiliating to vote for Kerry, because I don't respect him; but I would--I will--it's unpleasant, it's like killing a big rat that is running around your apartment. It must be done. But you're not proud of it. But you have to do it. So, we have to tell other people, I think, that, you know, we didn't approve."--Wally Shawn

At Least Tipper's Happy
"Up to Her Eyes in Gore, and Loving It"--headline, New York Times, April 30

'Uh, Aren't They a Little Young for You'?
"Republican Party Looks to Embrace College Women"--headline, Hatchet (George Washington University), May 1

This Wouldn't Have Got Past How'll Rains
"Because of a word processing malfunction, an article on April 21 about the Afghan parliament's endorsement of 20 of the 25 proposed cabinet ministers misstated the name of a deputy from Kabul who forecast further discussion of three of them. The deputy is Kabir Ranjbar, not Caber Ran bar."--correction, New York Times, May 1

Student Body in Topless Bar
"Half a Million Taught in Schools Without a Head"--headline, Independent (London), April 29

In That Case, We'll Have a Quarter Pounder
"Macs Are Virus Targets, Some Experts Warn"--headline, Associated Press, April 30

Next Time, He'll Use the Outhouse by the Tree
"Man Attacked Leaving Outhouse by Black Bear"--headline, KMGH-TV Web site (Denver), April 29

Was It by a Bear?
"Body Found in St. Paul Cemetery"--headline, Star Tribune (Minneapolis), April 30

What Happened to Separation of Church and State?
"Christ Asks Judge to Maintain Operations"--headline, Cincinnati Business Courier, April 28

World Series of Poker
"Taiwan Confident of Maintaining Chip Lead"--headline, Associated Press, April 30

Be on the Lookout for a Green Jaguar
"A team of government scientists has voted to capture one of a handful of jaguars known to live in the United States. . . . The decision still needs to be approved by game agencies in Arizona and New Mexico, meaning it could take until the end of the year before one is collard."--Associated Press, May 1

Bottom Story of the Day
"Springsteen Vents His Fury"--headline, CNN.com, May 1

All We Can Say Is Wow!
As all norteamericanos know, this Friday is Cinco de Mayo. But that's not the only reason it's a special day. It's also the septaquintaquinquecentennial*** of the Detroit Free Press. "Each day in the week leading up to our 175th birthday on May 5," the Freep promises, "we'll wow you with some facts about us and what we do." Here's what they've done so far:

• Saturday: "Some Free Press staffers have gained fame writing books. Here's a purrfect example."
  
  
• Sunday: "We run a lot of names. But which ones do we run the most? Here are the top dozen from 2005 with the number of stories in which their name is mentioned at least once."
  
  
• Monday: "At 175 years young, the Detroit Free Press has outlasted nearly all its peers, becoming the second-oldest continuously operated business in Michigan. We've tried to be good neighbors."

Wow, are we ever wowed!

*** Now we've done it--we're going to be inundated by emails from pedants who prefer terquasquicentennial.

(Carol Muller helps compile Best of the Web Today. Thanks to Ben Wade, Michael Segal, Mark Finkelstein, Mark Murray, Andrew Levinson, Rochi Ebner, David Shapero, Jim Cochran, John Vecchione, Edward Himmelfarb, Bill Schweber, Gary Cruse, Joseph Abdy, George Parry, Bill Heyman, Christopher Phelan, Todd Hatherly, Patrick Moorhouse, Martin Zeller, John Ahlrichs, Jack Ades, Andrew Robinson, Bill Vis, Leland Hein and Douglas Mooney. If you have a tip, write us at opinionjournal@wsj.com, and please include the URL.)

Today on OpinionJournal:

• Fouad Ajami: A personal tribute to Bernard Lewis, a sage in Christendom.
• John Fund: Not all immigration advocates support today's boycott.
• The Journal Editorial Report: A transcript of the weekend's program on the FOX News Channel.