by JAMES TARANTO
Friday, October 7, 2005 5:57 P.M. EDT

Best of the Tube This Weekend
We'll be appearing on this weekend's episode of "The Journal Editorial Report," debating the Harriet Miers nomination with our colleagues Dan Henninger, Melanie Kirkpatrick, Jason Riley and moderator Paul Gigot. We also make a cameo appearance in a segment on energy policy, a specialty of Kim Strassel (isn't she a joule?). Plus a "tony" for Bill Bennett. In New York, the program airs tonight at 9 p.m. EDT and again tomorrow at 7 a.m. on our flagship station, WNET (channel 13). For other air times, check local listings or the PBS Web site.

Miers Finds Few Buyers
WASHINGTON--When President Bush nominated Harriet Miers on Monday, we saw it as a missed opportunity. It left us underwhelmed, not appalled. But having spent last evening communing here with some 1,000 conservatives at National Review's 50th anniversary dinner, we see a political disaster in the making.

We talked to quite a few people, and we heard not a single kind word about the nomination from anyone who wasn't on the White House staff. A couple of our soundings led us to think that such support as it has received has been more sycophantic than sincere. One putative proponent privately distanced himself* from his public praise of Miers. Another person, whose employer has strongly backed the Miers nomination, told us, "Of course, I disagree wholeheartedly."

The White House seems genuinely befuddled by the intensity of conservative opposition, and especially stung by the harsh words of George Will and Trent Lott. The White House position seems to be that Bush gave the Supreme Court an excellent leader in Chief Justice John Roberts (on this point, of course, we agree wholeheartedly), and that what the president was seeking in his second pick was not someone with "sharp elbows" but a reliable "conservative" vote.

This is similar to the left's description of Clarence Thomas as a mere follower of Antonin Scalia. If the White House adopting this invidious caricature as its ideal, conservatives have every reason to be angry.

Conventional wisdom still has it that Miers is a shoo-in for confirmation. We're not so sure. From what we saw last night, the right is furious at President Bush for appointing someone they see as manifestly underqualified and for ducking a fight with the Democratic left--a fight that, in their view (and ours), would be good for the country, the conservative cause and the Republican Party.

Bush may be getting a fight anyway. And while he can laugh off the Angry Left, which would never support him no matter what he did, the Angry Right is a force he'd be a fool to misunderestimate.

* Our use of the masculine pronoun is gender-neutral and should not be construed to mean that the person in question is male. Nor should this disclaimer be construed to mean that he is female.

Isn't That More Clinton's Game?
"Well, certainly the president can claim executive privilege. But in the this case, I think with a lifetime appointment to the Supreme Court, you can't play, you know, hide the salami, or whatever it's called."--Democratic chairman Howard Dean, "Hardball," MSNBC, Oct. 5

Does He Understand the Word 'Word'?
"She's got to convince the conservative world that she understands the word 'strict constructionist.' "--Sen. Lindsey Graham (R., S.C.), quoted by the Associated Press, Oct. 7

Especially Ones in Size 6 Shoes
"Restrictions on Pit Bulls Gaining Momentum"--headline, Chicago Tribune, Oct. 5

The Second Headline Is More Accurate

"U.N. Nuke Watchdog Wins Nobel Peace Prize"--headline, Associated Press, Oct. 7

"Man Wins Award for Creating Fake Dog Testicles"--headline, Associated Press, Oct. 6

Stop! In the Name of Love
"Supremes Debate Suicide"--headline, New York Post, Oct. 6, 2005

Your Lips to God's Ears, With Several Intermediate Steps
"God Told Me to Invade Iraq, Bush Tells Palestinian Ministers," reads the headline on a BBC press release. But the Guardian reports the Beeb is already backing away from the story:

BBC programme editors turned lukewarm on a claim by a BBC2 programme that George Bush believed God told him to invade Iraq and Afghanistan after a strong denial by the White House.

Just 24 hours after accusations that the corporation's news coverage was backing away from risk-taking, some of the BBC's key outlets decided not to run an exclusive story unearthed by BBC2 about the US president.

What we have here is a classic game of "telephone." God tells Bush something, then Bush tells the Palestinian ministers, then they tell the BBC, then the BBC tells you, and in the process the thing gets distorted beyond recognition. Only God really knows what he told President Bush--though if the BBC, the Palestinian ministers and Bush are all right, we'd say the Lord gave pretty good advice.

Bizarro World in the Balance
"How many of you, I wonder, have heard a friend or a family member in the last few years remark that it's almost as if America has entered 'an alternate universe'?" asked Al Gore in a speech the other day to a conference called We the Media. Is Gore starting to remind you of anyone?

Parallel Spock has no desire to become captain, and therefore a mark for assassination. . . . Kirk talks to the bearded Spock, telling him the advantages of a Federation-like system over the anarchy of this universe. Spock seems almost convinced that he should in fact get rid of his Kirk, seize control of the I.S.S. Enterprise, and manipulate the Imperial Starfleet into working toward a more civilized universe.

Anyway, here are some scenes from Al Gore's alternate universe:

Among the other factors damaging our public discourse in the media, the imposition by management of entertainment values on the journalism profession has resulted in scandals, fabricated sources, fictional events and the tabloidization of mainstream news. As recently stated by Dan Rather--who was, of course, forced out of his anchor job after angering the White House--television news has been "dumbed down and tarted up."

And here's another one:

In the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, there was--at least for a short time--a quality of vividness and clarity of focus in our public discourse that reminded some Americans--including some journalists--that vividness and clarity used to be more common in the way we talk with one another about the problems and choices that we face. But then, like a passing summer storm, the moment faded.

The only problem with the "vividness and clarity" of those Katrina stories is that many of them turned out not to be true. And you've got to love that simile "like a passing summer storm." Maybe he should ask Chuck Schumer for some literary advice.

Bottom Story of the Week
"Gore Joins Ferrer Camp in Fight Over Harlem Debate"--headline, New York Times, Oct. 5

Homer Nods
California State University, Northridge, is a third-tier Western university, according to U.S. News & World Report. An item Wednesday described CSUN as a second-rate state university. We regret the error.

What Would Boats Do Without at Least One Expert?
"At least one expert, however, said that almost any boat, if faced with the right series of events, could be compromised."--New York Times, Oct. 5

What Would the LDS Church Do Without Flying Squirrels?
"LDS Church Not Taliban, Rocky Says"--headline, Deseret News (Salt Lake City), Oct. 5

Still Quicker Than Moses
"229 Vietnamese Reach U.S. After 16-Year Journey"--headline, MSNBC.com, Oct. 7

Oh, Sir, It's Only Wafer Thin
"Python Explodes After Eating Alligator"--headline, Associated Press, Oct. 5

They Were Sunnis Before Sunnis Were Cool
"Iraq Parl't Reverses Vote Rule, Sunnis Still Cool"--headline, Reuters, Oct. 5

Rough Town
"Woman Moves, Boulder Barely Misses Her"--headline, KCNC-TV Web site (Denver), Oct. 5

How Fast Can a Giant Pumpkin Run?
"Martha Stewart Set to Race Giant Pumpkin in Canada"--headline, Reuters, Oct. 6

Hey, Big Spender
From Opelousas, La., The Associated Press brings us this inspiring story of the human spirit triumphing over adversity:

After more than a month of living with dozens of displaced relatives in Opelousas, Jacquelyn Sherman, an evacuee from New Orleans, told her niece she was depressed.

That all changed when she won $1.6 million--before taxes--playing a slot machine at Evangeline Downs Racetrack and Casino.

"When it happened, I didn't know what was going on," Sherman said. "I had just put in my $20 in the 'Wheel of Fortune' machine when it hit. . . ."

Jacquelyn Sherman and her sister decided to entertain themselves with a trip to Evangeline Downs. Before she knew it, Sherman went from having practically nothing to being a millionaire.

If you blew $20 a pull on the slots, before long you'd have "practically nothing" too.

Playing Poulet
"Two years after relations between the US and France soured over the Iraq war, French-bashing in America appears alive and well in light of a recent ad campaign by a fast-food chain linking France and cowardice," Agence France-Presse reports:

The ad by the Subway chain touted a cordon bleu chicken sandwich with the words "France and chicken, somehow it just goes together." A photo of a chicken dressed like Napoleon accompanied the advertisement.

Subway ran the ads in about 10 US states for nearly a month and pulled them in September following an outcry by members of the French expatriate community and other customers offended by the racist undertone.

Mark Bridenbaker, a spokesman for Subway, which has outlets in France, defended the campaign telling AFP it was aimed at lauding French cuisine.

"The perfect match of French cuisine and the Subway chicken . . . that was the intent of this advertising," he said. "But once we realized that people were taking offense, we removed everything from stores right away."

OK, first of all, the French are weasels, not chickens. Second, it's pretty rich for the people who run a company that knuckles under to "an outcry by members of the French expatriate community" to be calling anyone chicken.

(Carol Muller helps compile Best of the Web Today. Thanks to George Lewis, Patrick Korten, Casey McEnelly, Ed Lasky, M. Gilbertson, Aaron Ammerman, Clark Perkins, Sean Williams, Martin Boskovich, Ruth Papazian, Michael Segal, Ron Ackert, David Weaver, C.E. Dobkin, Barak Moore, Raghu Desikan, Ethel Fenig, Evan Slatis, Monty Krieger, Ben Lopatin, Allen O'Donnell, Dave Tinkle, Bob Benson, Rand Costich, Joe Perez, Greg Evans, Daniel Goldstein, Matthew Noonan, Kevin Schmidt, Jon Sanders, Eddy Elfenbein, Scott Smith, Peter August, Dan O'Shea, Charlie Gaylord, Christian Peck, Edward Tannen, Sean Mahoney, Richard Belzer, Dave Vasquez, Janet Peritzman, Bradford Smith, Eric Olsen, Bill Vis and Doug McLaren. If you have a tip, write us at opinionjournal@wsj.com, and please include the URL.)

Today on OpinionJournal:

• Review & Outlook: Hillary Clinton's lawyer is staying very busy.
• Daniel Henninger: Hurricane Harriet downs power lines across the Beltway.
• The Journal Editorial Report: Tune in this weekend for a discussion of the Miers nomination and the fuel shock.

And on the Taste page:

• Review & Outlook: Got a nasty, radical professor? Congress can't help.
• Tony & Tacky: Who are the world's happiest people? Plus the lengths to which we go to watch TV.
• Bret Stephens: Not all monsters are myths.
• Christine Whelan: M. Scott Peck's best-seller came along at the right moment, inspiring a new form of self-help.
• Brendan Miniter: Should we have faith in Harriet Miers? Mr. Bush does.