by JAMES TARANTO
Thursday, March 24, 2005 11:28 A.M. EST

'I Just Feel So Bitter'
Remember Jim Jeffords? Neither do we, but he's the U.S. senator from Vermont who achieved historical-footnote status in 2001 when he left the Republican Party and handed control of the Senate to Democrats for a little over 19 months. Yesterday Vermont Public Radio interviewed Jeffords and, we're guessing, reminded Republicans of why they're glad to be rid of him:

Host: Sen. Jim Jeffords says he won't be surprised if the Bush administration launches a war with Iran next year. Speaking Tuesday night on VPR's "Switchboard" program, Jeffords says he remains convinced that president Bush went to war in Iraq in order to control that country's oil supply and to bolster the president's chances of winning re-election to a second term.

Jeffords: I think it was all done to get--all that's the end result is going to be some oil agreement and the loss of life that we had. And the cost of it, to many was just a re-election move and they're going to try to live off it and probably start another war. Wouldn't be surprised next year, probably in Iran.

Host: Jeffords says he fears that President Bush will use the same tactics to invade Iran in the coming year.

Jeffords: I just feel so bitter about the thinking that's gone on behind them and the reasons they go to war, went to war. But I feel very strongly that they're looking ahead and there will be an opportunity to go into Iran.

Host: Jeffords says nothing has happened in Iraq that justifies the Bush administration's decision to go to war in that country. He says he'll strongly oppose efforts to expand the war to Iran.

So let's see if we have this straight: According to Jeffords, the president went to war in Iraq to "control the country's oil supply" and to help his own re-election chances. This doesn't quite jibe with what happened, which is that Bush was re-elected even though Iraq's oil industry, which America doesn't control at any rate, is operating at far from full capacity and U.S. gasoline prices are quite high compared with recent years.

"Nothing has happened" to justify "the Bush administration's decision" (actually it was Congress's) to go to war. Apparently Jeffords hasn't heard about the Iraqi elections. Oh, and now he thinks the administration is making plans to "go into Iran." Why? To get their oil and help Bush get re-elected again?

Between this guy and Howard Dean, Vermont has become a laughingstock, the Mississippi of the 21st century.

And He Thinks Clarence Thomas Is Dumb?
"Sen. Harry Reid knew he was in a war zone, but he said the biggest surprise of his first trip to Iraq was seeing so many people walking around with guns."--Las Vegas Review-Journal, March 23

Isn't Fascism Lovely?
Mussolini is said to have made the trains run on time, and now the Associated Press--alighting on a new reason to complain about Iraq's liberation--suggests that Saddam Hussein at least made his country's capital look pretty. Actually, the AP dispatch, titled "Once-Beautiful Baghdad Becomes Eyesore," does concede that "Saddam himself didn't help with beautification," building ugly structures and filling the city with statues of himself.

Yet while Baghdad's aesthetic heyday is long past, AP reporter Rawya Rageh dwells on the obvious fact that things can be messy in the midst of war:

A two-year insurgency attacking homes and government buildings compounded the scars on the city's face, undermining its ailing infrastructure and tattering the remaining grace.

Beautiful date palm groves that lined the 10-mile-long airport road--a visitor's first impression of Baghdad--had to be removed to prevent gunmen from hiding in what has become one of the city's most dangerous battlefields. . . .

Even democracy has taken its toll on Baghdad. Posters and banners of candidates running in the landmark Jan. 30 elections--a collage of mismatching colors--are still plastered everywhere, tainting traffic circles and walls two months after the vote. Huge black banners of religious invocations and photos of Shiite saints--a breakthrough for the country's majority Shiites oppressed under Saddam--are randomly scattered around the city.

Here in post-Giuliani New York, we frequently hear left-leaning commentators lament that the quality of life is so high. They yearn for the days before Times Square was "Disneyfied," when it was overrun by bums, hookers and "adult" businesses. Maybe they ought to move to Baghdad.

Be Diverse, Ignore God
The Princeton Review publishes a college guide, and its Web site lists the various criteria on which it ranks the 357 campuses included. One of them is "demographics," which is based on comparisons in four criteria:

We have no quarrel with the first, second and fourth of these criteria, but the third one is quite astonishing. If you "ignore God on a regular basis," you're "diverse," whereas if you "pray on a regular basis," you're "monochromatic"? What if you pray in a black church, or pray for a more diverse campus?

Great Moments in Public Education
"A Bronx teacher who repeatedly flunked his state certification exam paid a formerly homeless man with a developmental disorder $2 to take the test for him," New York's Daily News reports:

The illegal stand-in--who looks nothing like teacher Wayne Brightly--not only passed the high-stakes test, he scored so much better than the teacher had previously that the state knew something was wrong, officials said. . . .

Brightly, 38, a teacher at one of the city's worst schools, Middle School 142, allegedly concocted the plot to swap identities with Leitner last summer. If he failed the state exam again, Brightly risked losing his $59,000-a-year job.

The News notes that the test has a 95% pass rate, which makes the inaptly named Brightly's repeated flunking--and the school system's failure to fire him long ago for incompetence--all the more appalling.

Zero-Tolerance Watch
"A high school student who caught his principal apparently breaking a state anti-smoking law on film was suspended after he posted the photos on the Internet," the Associated Press reports from Providence, R.I.:

But the school district on Wednesday reversed course, wiping Eliazar Velasquez's suspension from his record, and saying the principal was not setting a good example for students.

Velasquez, a sophomore at Central High School, snapped pictures of Principal Elaine Almagno apparently smoking a cigarette outside an open school door earlier this month. Smoking within 25 feet of a school building violates state law.

The school backed down completely, not only reinstating Velasquez but dropping its demand that he remove the pictures from his Web site. That's all good, and the principal was wrong to violate the law--but all the same, it's a stupid law. (Hat tip: ZeroIntelligence.net.)

Schiavo Backers Keep Hope Alive (Barely)
Efforts to save Terri Schiavo from dying of thirst per her husband's wishes have come down to a few efforts the press dubs "long shots," which means they're almost certainly futile. Last night Mrs. Schiavo's parents filed an appeal with the Supreme Court, which, to no one's surprise, the court rejected this morning.

Yesterday the Florida Senate took up but voted down a bill that "would have prohibited patients like Schiavo from being denied food and water if they didn't express their wishes in writing," as the Associated Press reports. And Gov. Jeb Bush asked a state court for permission to move Mrs. Schiavo to state custody on the ground that a physician disputes the diagnosis that she is in a persistent vegetative state.

Reading over the report on Schiavo prepared in 2003 by guardian ad litem Jay Wolfson (link in PDF) helps make clear why this last effort will not succeed. Many physicians have backed the PVS diagnosis, and the courts are unlikely to give much weight to an eighth or ninth opinion at this late stage.

The 38-page report is by and large a persuasive document, showing that the Florida courts did not lightly reach the conclusion that Mrs. Schiavo should die. But it does raise some troubling questions: Why does Florida law allow the admission of hearsay evidence (in this case, from Mr. Schiavo, his brother and his sister-in-law, who testified that Mrs. Schiavo had once said she wouldn't want to be kept alive in such circumstances) when human life is at stake? And why didn't the court at some point reconsider Mr. Schiavo's guardianship of his wife in light of his having remarried all but in name? A real de novo review in federal court might have cast some light on these matters.

Feed a Cold, Starve an Expert
"Starvation Not Painful, Experts Say: Many report euphoric state"--headline, and subheadline, Fort Wayne (Ind.) Journal Gazette, March 24

What Would We Do Without Studies?
"Sleep Apnea Kills at Night, Study Says"--headline, Boston Globe, March 24

Good News for Brainy Brits
"Britain Will Never Again Go to War on Intelligence"--headline, Scotsman, March 24

That's a Relief
"Re-Opened Death Ride 'Is Safe' "--headline, BBC Web site, March 23

Maybe if They Got a Mixed Review, They Wouldn't Be Left Behind
"No Child Left Behind Gets Mixed Review"--headline, Associated Press, March 23

Mr. Mom
" 'Desperate Housewives' Actor Has Baby Girl"--headline, Associated Press, March 22

The Chopping Will Continue Until Morale Improves
"Employees Next on Chopping Block"--headline, Tribune (San Luis Obispo, Calif.), March 22

Giant Killers
"Krispy Kreme to Close Wal-Mart Stores"--headline, Associated Press, March 23

What Would Chocolate Bunnies Do Without Experts?
"Go Easy on Those Chocolate Bunnies, Experts Warn"--headline, Toronto Star, March 23

What Would Oviparous Moose Do Without Scouts?
"Scouts Help Moose With Eggs"--headline, Sonoma (Calif.) Index-Tribune, March 22

Great Moments in Organized Labor
A strike in Stockton, Calif., has just been settled after going on for almost three times as long as the new contract's duration, reports Sacramento's KCRA-TV:

More than 600 workers at a Diamond Walnut processing plant in Stockton walked off the job and took up picket signs in September 1991. On Wednesday, the union announced that workers have agreed on a new deal that ends the labor dispute.

Tuesday night, workers at Diamond Walnut voted 184-61 to accept a new five-year deal with Diamond Walnut, ending a bitter labor dispute between the company and the Teamsters union.

Few workers had any inkling that the strike would last almost 14 years and would see numerous lawsuits--one of which went all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court.

Alas, KCRA missed the most interesting part of the story. It would have been fascinating to hear interviews with the few workers who did expect the strike to go on for so long.

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Today on OpinionJournal:

• Don Cheadle and John Prendergast: Enough excuses. Stop the Darfur genocide now.
• Peggy Noonan: The bizarre passion of the pull-the-tube people.
• Jonathan Gurwitz: Sugar Land sours on Tom DeLay.
• Allen Barra: Bud Selig must be praying that Barry Bonds retires.