From the WSJ Opinion Archives

by JAMES TARANTO
Friday, September 5, 2003 4:06 P.M. EDT

This Is What They Call Fair and Balanced?
"Fox Attacks Girl in Her Bedroom"--headline, (London) Evening Standard, Sept. 4

Happy Days Are Here Again
Blogger Todd Bass notes some good news from Afghanistan. "The new national currency, the afghani, is widely accepted and stable," reports The Economist. "The economy grew by 28% last year, according to preliminary IMF estimates."

You wouldn't know it, though, from reading Newsweek. An article by Sami Yousafzai and Ron Moreau claims that "for more than a year, Afghanistan has been sinking deeper into poverty, chaos and despair while the White House focuses on Iraq."

Where do Yousafzai and Moreau get this information? They don't say. Are they just making this stuff up?

This Just In
"Osama's Whereabouts Unknown"--headline, Pakistan News Service, Sept. 2

Weasel Watch
What are we to make of the Bush administration's decision to seek U.N. help keeping the peace in Iraq? Blogger Steven Den Beste has a hopeful interpretation: "Absent any other way to judge it, it seems to me that if [Jacques] Chirac and [Gerhard] Schröder hate it, then it can't be all bad."

And indeed the weasels in chief do hate it. "The leaders of France and Germany today rejected as insufficient the Bush administration's proposal to give the United Nations a greater role in Iraq's security and reconstruction, renewing a disagreement between Washington and the European allies most staunchly opposed to the war last spring," The Washington Post reports. Yesterday's London Daily Telegraph even quoted the always-charming Schroeder as saying the thought of German troops in Iraq makes him "want to puke."

Den Beste says the U.S. military, "stretched to the limit," needs relief, and the U.N. proposal, as described in the press, is not bad at all:

Essentially, it would convert an Anglo-American occupation force into a "UN" force, but one which was still led by the US and UK, who would continue to be in charge and continue to make all the important decisions. It's more or less cosmetic; it makes small concessions to the UN in exchange for letting us use their name, so as to give political cover to such nations as would like to offer troops but who view it is politically risky without the UN trademark. . . .

As to any formal UN administrative role, they're invited to "facilitate" a "dialogue" to support the "political transition". Which is token. It represents no real power whatever for the UN; no real ability to influence the course of events. The only practical way to measure the practical power of the UN is to consider its ability to obstruct US policy, and this doesn't grant them any such power.

At the same time, Bush's domestic opponents seem to be falling into another one of his traps, just as they always do. Democrats are falling all over themselves to take the side of the chocolate makers in the argument over the U.N. resolution. This may be the only way of appealing to the party's Angry Left base, but it seems a safe bet that most Americans will side with their own country.

Don't Be Russian to Conclusions

"Russia Endorses U.S. Resolution on Iraq"--headline, Associated Press, Sept. 5, 9:41 a.m. EDT

"Russia Says U.S. Draft on Iraq Needs Serious Work"--headline, Reuters, Sept. 5, 9:55 a.m. EDT

In Reuterville, Good Help Is Hard to Find
"Egypt has detained a hotel cleaner who tried to kidnap an American tourist in hope of forcing U.S. troops to leave Iraq," Reuters reports from Cairo. The America-hating "news" service publishes this dispatch under the "Oddly Enough" heading, which is odd since that designation is usually reserved for stories of grisly death. What's really appalling, though, is the headline: "Egyptian Tries to Kidnap American to Help Iraq."

So Reuters' editorial position is that it would help Iraq if American troops withdrew.

Journalist or Jihadi?
Remember back in November 2001 when the U.S. blew up the Kabul bureau of al-Jazeera, the Qatar-based TV network? London's Guardian noted at the time that Nik Gowing, a BBC man, was outraged by the bombing. "Al-Jazeera has been providing some material that has been very uncomfortable," Gowing noted, adding that in the allies' view, "journalists are legitimate targets where they are inconvenient."

But maybe al-Jazeera was a legitimate target. "Police have arrested a correspondent for Qatar-based Al-Jazeera TV at his home in southern Spain accusing him of having links to the al Qaeda terrorist group," CNN reports from Madrid:

Authorities believe that Tayseer Allouni--who interviewed al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden nearly two years ago--provided support for two suspected members of the group, a Spanish court official told CNN. . . .

Authorities believe Allouni provided support for Imad Eddin Barakat Yarkas, alias Abu Dahdah, who was arrested on November 13, 2001, and is thought to have been an al Qaeda ringleader in Spain, the court official said.

Allouni was a correspondent in the Kabul bureau at the time.

What Would We Do Without Some?
" 'Road Map' to Peace Is Fading Fast, Some Say"--headline, Newsday (Long Island, N.Y.), Sept. 5

Guns Don't Make Statements, People Make Statements
Here's a disturbing little story from the New York Times. Steve Kim, a Korean-born postal worker, "admitted that he fired a handgun on the grounds of the United Nations in 2002 to protest North Korea's mistreatment of its citizens." The judge, Robert P. Patterson Jr., is considering giving Kim a lenient sentence on the ground that he was making a "political statement" rather than trying to injure anyone.

Judge Patterson, a Reagan appointee, noted that Mr. Kim had been trying to focus the public on the situation in North Korea--a 'situation that they weren't paying too much attention to in this country, and that the press wasn't covering much in this country.' "

Much as we sympathize with the "message" Kim was trying to impart, this would set a terrible precedent. "If he's making a political statement with a .357 handgun, and we allow that as a basis for departure [from federal sentencing guidelines], it would be a very violent society indeed," notes prosecutor Matthew Biben. He adds: "No one holds more fervent political views than Islamic terrorists."

Great Orators of the Democratic Party

  • "One man with courage makes a majority."--Andrew Jackson

  • "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."--Franklin Roosevelt

  • "The buck stops here."--Harry Truman

  • "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country."--John Kennedy

  • "It hasn't been a good time to have a cowboy in charge of our future, but we also don't need a waffler in charge of our country's future."--Joe Lieberman

Roll Over, Adolph
The Social Security Administration has a fascinating Web page where it publishes data on popular baby names from 1880 to the present, and blogger Matt Evans has conducted a fascinating analysis of one famous name:

According to data published by the Social Security Administration, the name Hillary is the most severely poisoned baby name in history. Hillary had been steadily climbing the baby name charts since the 1960s, when it first graced the Top 1000, becoming the 136th most common name for baby girls in 1992. But the name sharply reversed course in 1993, smashing several longstanding records for name contamination in its plunge from the Top 1000 girl names last year.

The title for the most rapid case of name contamination had been held by Ebenezer and then Adolph, names that were shunned by parents after they became associated with Dickens's miserly banker and the Nazi dictator Hitler. But while Ebenezer and Adolph each took over 30 years to fall from the Top 1000 after they were negatively associated with their prominent name sakes, Hillary dropped off the charts in just 10 years, upsetting the prior records in less than 30% of the time. Besides this achievement, Hillary also set records for largest drop in a single year (295 places in 1994), two years (420 places in 1993-1994) and ten years (>864 from 1993 to 2002). These titles taken together represent the grand slam of name poisoning.

Evans adds: "The largest one-year drop of another tarnished name from the same period, Monica, was 53 places in 1999; the two-year drop was 73 (1998-1999). Monica's dip was short-lived as well, ending with an uptick in popularity in 2002."

Zubaty's So Batty
At an "impeach-in" yesterday in Ithaca, N.Y., "the strumming of author Rich Zubaty's guitar floated in front of See Spot Community Arts Space, accompanying lyrics such as 'There was a president lying to me' and 'We want our country back,' " reports the Cornell Daily Sun. At the event, "one individual said Americans should take a page out of the French Revolution and 'chop some heads off.' "

"Others suggested that the reason why the impeachment is not an issue for Bush is because many Americans are afraid of speaking their mind"--this at a public event in the middle of a medium-sized city.

Zubaty tells the Sun that "we have the worst president in a couple of hundred years," apparently agreeing with the New York Times' Bob Herbert that Thomas Jefferson was worse. This Zubaty guy is a real piece of work: The Sun notes that he is the author of two books, "Your Brain Is Not Your Own" and "The Corporate Cult."

The paper, however, misses another Zubaty tome, "What Men Know That Women Don't," described on his Web site as "the book that unshames men and frees your brainwaves for recovery from Feminism."

The Contradictionist Society Joins Up
The list of groups participating in the far-left "Counterconvention" continues to grow. Among them:

  • The Contradictionist Society. "The Contradictionist Society is a group (well, not really a group but a loose collection . . . wait, it IS a group, or a club, or a society, yes, that's it, a society) of like-minded, or almost like-minded individuals who have agreed to disagree on the most relevent [sic] issues of today. Or yesterday. Or tomorrow. Our group (club, society, whatever) has come to the conclusion (the vote was 25 for to 25 against) that the US invasion of Iraq was a bad thing (or good thing depending on how you look at it).

  • People for the Eating of Michael Moore. At a time when millions . . . no, wait, that's not enough for people to join our cause . . . HUNDREDS OF BILLIONS of people are starving and forced to star in Sally Struthers informercials, PEMM is dedicated to killing two birds with one stone. Help make our world a better place.

  • Rachel Corrie Memorial Protest. In memory of Rachel Corrie's noble sacrifice, we will staple Kraft Singles and other flat and squishy items onto random passerby [sic].

Rachel Corrie, in case you've forgotten, was the 23-year-old terror advocate from Olympia, Wash., who died in a bulldozer accident. Also on the list of organizations is one that may not be genuine: "Al-Taranto's Martyrs Brigade," described as "dedicated to the destruction of haughty, french [sic] looking Senators who by the way have served in Vietnam, and the destruction of Reuters as a respected 'news' organization. AH LA LA LA ODDLY ENOUGH!!!!" Although we've never heard of this group, it lists OpinionJournal.com--that is, this Web site--under "other contact info," which leads us to suspect it may be a prank.

Federalism, Full Faith and Same-Sex Marriage
In today's Washington Post, former senator Alan Simpson, a Wyoming Republican with libertarian social views, weighs in on the question of same-sex marriage. Specifically, Simpson argues against a proposed constitutional amendment that would define marriage as a union between a man and a woman only. Simpson disclaims any position on whether same-sex marriage should be legally recognized, but he argues against the amendment on the basis of states' rights:

In our system of government, laws affecting family life are under the jurisdiction of the states, not the federal government. This is as it should be. . . .

That people of goodwill would disagree was something our Founders fully understood when they created our federal system. They saw that contentious social issues would best be handled in the legislatures of the states, where debates could be held closest to home. That's why we should let the states decide how best to define and recognize any legally sanctioned unions--marriage or otherwise. . . .

Conservatives argue vehemently about federal usurpation of other issues best left to the states, such as abortion or gun control. Why would they elevate this one to the federal level?

This is a good argument against the proposed amendment, which would prohibit states as well as the federal government from recognizing same-sex marriages. But if states' rights are really Simpson's concern, it's somewhat disingenuous of him not to address the way in which the other side hopes to circumvent them.

Currently a case is before the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court in which the plaintiffs ask the court to declare it unconstitutional to limit marriage to heterosexual unions. If the court rules in their favor, as most observes expect it to do, the ruling would apply only to Massachusetts--for the moment, at least. A gay couple from, say, Alabama could go to Boston and get hitched, but under the Alabama Marriage Protection Act--one of 37 such state laws--their Boston marriage would have no force back in the Yellowhammer State.

There is a strong argument, though, that the Alabama Marriage Protection Act and laws like it are unconstitutional. Article IV, Section 1 of the Constitution provides: "Full faith and credit shall be given in each State to the public acts, records, and judicial proceedings of every other State." A federal court could very well accept our Alabama couple's argument that once Massachusetts has ratified their marriage, the other 49 states are bound to recognize it. In addition, the Supreme Court could rule, based on its precedent in Lawrence v. Texas (the case that overturned state sodomy laws) that laws against same-sex marriage violate the right to privacy or equal protection.

So why not a compromise amendment to preserve the principles of democratic rule and states' rights? It would read something like this:

Nothing in this Constitution shall be construed to require any state or the federal government to recognize any marriage except between a man and a woman.

This would not prohibit same-sex marriage; states would remain free to recognize it, as would the federal government, if Congress passed legislation to do so. It would, however, prevent same-sex marriage from being imposed on the entire country by judicial fiat.

Not Too Brite--CXI
"A Samurai sword-wielding man who killed a British councilor who had intervened to rescue his MP boss escaped a life sentence on Thursday but was instead committed indefinitely to a secure hospital," Reuters reports from London.

Oddly Enough!

Since When Is This Illegal?
"Doctor Arrested for Treating Patients"--headline, KPRC-TV Web site (Houston), Sept. 4

Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining
"Arthritis Sufferers Growing Younger"--headline, Joplin (Mo.) Globe, Sept. 5

Eve of Destruction
"Turtles Lured to Disco Death in Park Dilemma"--headline, Reuters, Sept. 4

Think Racism Is the Pits? Think Again.
AdAge magazine reports on a big stride in racial progress:

A huge, black man raises his arms to gloat obnoxiously over a foosball goal, and this vile underarm stench overpowers everyone in the room.

It's a Right Guard commercial, and it's wonderful.

Actually, the BBDO, New York, ad itself--starring Tampa Bay Buccaneers star Warren Sapp--is pretty ordinary, a sort of generic argument for deodorant with a brand name attached. What's wonderful is that the big stinker isn't white.

AdAge's Bob Garfield lists other recent ads that depict black characters as the butt of jokes and observes: "We'll know when we've achieved some sort of racial equilibrium in this country when black people can appear ridiculous in the pop culture right alongside white people. The very fact that this phenomenon has been growing for two years, and nobody has even flinched, speaks volumes."

(Elizabeth Crowley helps compile Best of the Web Today. Thanks to Edward Hildebrand, Chris Leonard, Matthew Maynard, John Murray, Jennifer Ray, T. Norton, Michael Morley, Paul Music, Yehuda Hilewitz, Michael Steinberg, Gabriel Openshaw, Mike Glasgow, Raghu Desikan, S.E. Brenner, Robert LeChevalier, C.E. Dobkin, Stefan Sharkansky, Michael Siegel, Charlie Gaylord, Barak Moore, Jim Orheim, Steve Baus, Steven Getman, Andrew Fox, Gene Montalvo, Jake Allen, David Concotta, Rich Algeni, Linda Cooke, Robert Brooks, Rich Schwalbach, Jim Lucas, Stu Gittleman and Christian Durrett. If you have a tip, write us at opinionjournal@wsj.com, and please include the URL.)

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