by JAMES TARANTO
Friday, May 2, 2003 2:50 P.M. EDT

The Road to Havana
Fidel Castro says he fears he may go the way of Saddam Hussein, the Associated Press reports. "In Miami and Washington they are now discussing where, how and when Cuba will be attacked," the communist tyrant declared in a May Day speech. We've never heard of any such discussions, and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld says "there are no plans for military action against Cuba." Our first reaction was to think Castro, jealous that Saddam is getting all the attention, was imitating the Onion.

But then we read this Reuters dispatch, about a group of what the "news" service calls "intellectuals"--that's Reutervillian for frauds and idiots--who, as Reuters puts it, "have come out in defense of Cuba"--which actually means in defense of Castro's communist tyranny and against the Cuban people, who have suffered under it for nearly 45 years.

The "intellectuals' " statement reads, in part: "A single power"--that would be America--"is inflicting grave damage to the norms of understanding, debate and mediation among countries. . . . The harassment against Cuba could serve as a pretext for an invasion."

Well, a stopped clock is right twice a day--and this actually is a pretty good idea. Why not at least consider having a little Iraq-style war to liberate Cuba? "We do not want the blood of Cubans and Americans to be shed in a war," declares the dictator. Neither do we, and war is hell, but in the most profound part of his speech last night, President Bush pointed out that war is a lot less hellish than it used to be, thanks to good old-fashioned Yankee ingenuity:

In the images of falling statues, we have witnessed the arrival of a new era. For a hundred of years of war, culminating in the nuclear age, military technology was designed and deployed to inflict casualties on an ever-growing scale. In defeating Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan, Allied forces destroyed entire cities, while enemy leaders who started the conflict were safe until the final days. Military power was used to end a regime by breaking a nation.

Today, we have the greater power to free a nation by breaking a dangerous and aggressive regime. With new tactics and precision weapons, we can achieve military objectives without directing violence against civilians. No device of man can remove the tragedy from war; yet it is a great moral advance when the guilty have far more to fear from war than the innocent.

The death toll from a war to liberate Cuba would be far less than that of Castro's regime itself, especially if you include all the Cubans who've perished in the Florida Straits trying to swim for freedom. Postwar reconstruction would be a far easier task in Cuba than in Iraq, since there are millions of well-educated Cuban exiles and Cuban-Americans living within an hour's flight of Havana. And President Bush ought to be able to win support for such a move across the political aisle. A free Cuba would mean fewer Cuban immigrants and thus fewer Republican voters in Florida. What Democrat would oppose that?

There's only one thing standing in the way. In 1962, to resolve the Cuban Missile Crisis, JFK promised the Soviet Union that America would never invade Cuba. Well, "never" is a long time, but America should be true to its word. So if you happen to see the Soviet Union, please tell it to let us know ASAP if it has any objections to the liberation of Cuba.

The Neocon Conspirators Strike Again!
Josh Marshall, call your office. Once again, President Bush is hiding his secret "neoconservative" agenda in plain sight. Here are some relevant passages from last night's speech:

• "The battle of Iraq is one victory in a war on terror that began on September the 11th, 2001--and still goes on."
  
  
• "The war on terror is not over; yet it is not endless. We do not know the day of final victory."
  
  
• "When freedom takes hold, men and women turn to the peaceful pursuit of a better life. American values and American interests lead in the same direction: We stand for human liberty." ("American values" is neocon code for democracy.)
  
  
• "Anyone in the world, including the Arab world, who works and sacrifices for freedom has a loyal friend in the United States of America."

Marshall, of course, wrote a much-discussed article in last month's issue of The Washington Monthly, in which he argued that President Bush has broken "new ground in the history of pre-war presidential deception" by failing to inform the American people that he believes we are in a broader war than just Iraq and that he has a vision of promoting democracy in the Middle East. "The great majority of the American people have no concept of what kind of conflict the president is leading them into," wrote Marshall.

So true, so true. Aside from those of us who listen to the president's speeches, no one has a clue what he's up to.

You Don't Say--I
"Bush: Allied Forces Prevailed in Iraq"--headline, Associated Press, May 2

You Don't Say--II
"Poll: Bush More Popular After Iraq War"--headline, Associated Press, May 2

Prophet and Loss

"America cannot write its own rules for the modern world. To attempt to do so would be unilateralism run amok. . . . And it would give other nations--from Russia to India to Pakistan--an excuse to violate fundamental principles of civilized international behavior."--Ted Kennedy, Senate floor speech explaining his pro-Saddam position, Oct. 7, 2002

"India and Pakistan agreed Friday to restore full diplomatic ties and to hold their first talks in almost two years aimed at ending 50 years of war and acrimony."--Associated Press, May 2, 2003

Rachel Corrie's Pals
"The two British suicide bombers who blew up a seafront bar in Tel Aviv, killing three people, had posed earlier as peace activists, acting as 'human shields' for Palestinians," reports London's Daily Telegraph:

A Western pro-Palestinian activist said the two . . . took part in a protest march in Rafah to commemorate Rachel Corrie, an American 'human shield' killed by an Israeli bulldozer last March.

"As soon as I heard the names, my heart sank," he said. "I did not need to see the picture, but when the picture came, they are there."

Corrie, of course, was an American-flag-burning terror advocate who also posed as a "peace activist." The "Zionist infidels" at Amish Tech Support have prepared a darkly funny satire explaining how to follow in her footsteps and illustrated using U.S. Department of Homeland Security logos.

Sex Drive
Arab News writer Halah Al-Nasir doesn't understand why Saudi Arabia comes in for so much criticism over its prohibition on women driving. "I was amazed at the link between women's freedom and driving a car," she writes. "It is an illogical link that is common among Westerners":

As Saudi women, we are sure that when women drive it will bring with it a number of traffic and social problems that we could do very well without. From my perspective, the number of Western women that I have met and who envied me and who have wished to live in the same way has been numerous. I don't blame them.

Are there really Western women who'd prefer if women were forbidden to drive?

Another Arab News writer, Namir Alireza, interviews Saudi students who've studied in America and finds them far less hidebound than Halah al-Nasir:

Sultan's description of the American people as a whole was positive, especially when it came to life on the West Coast.

"Not once have I been mistreated or racially harassed or abused in any way," he recalled. "They were very kind and accepting toward me. If the equivalent of what happened in New York on Sept. 11 had happened here, I don't believe that our people would have shown the same self-restraint and patience toward the Western expatriates living here that the American people have shown toward the Arabs and Muslims living there." . . .

Yousuf studied in the US for years and was hoping to gain some work experience there before returning to Saudi Arabia and working for his family. All that changed after Sept. 11.

"Everything here is segregated -- men from women, rich from poor, and foreigners from locals. This is a land of segregation. The majority of people try to justify this, but I feel that we should focus on integration, not segregation."

It would seem that American values (neocon alert!) are contagious.

Jean-Francois Carré
Several readers have written to say our description of Sen. John Kerry as a haughty, French-looking Massachusetts Democrat, who by the way served in Vietnam, is too harsh. It's the "French-looking" part that rankles, apparently, and of course when someone at the White House referred to Kerry that way, he shot back that it was an example of la politique de la destruction personnelle. But what are we to make of this passage, from a 1996 Boston Globe profile:

Says Peggy Kerry, John's older sister: "There is a European kind of formality to us and to John that I would say has carried over. Like the French difference between 'tu' and 'vous,' John still sees the world that way, and sees the difference between his public life and his personal life that way."

Kerry also opposes President Bush's tax-cut plan, apparently favoring a French-style high-tax regime. Call it vous-tu economics.

Saturday Night's Alright for Debating
The nine Democratic candidates plan their first debate, tomorrow night in Columbia, S.C. It doesn't start until 9 p.m. Eastern Time, in deference to Sen. Joe Lieberman, an Orthodox Jew who keeps the Sabbath. The New York Times says the scheduling anomaly "has potentially serious implications for how voters perceive [Lieberman]. How does an Orthodox Jew run for president while obeying the extensive and intricate rules that govern the activities of religiously conservative members of his faith?"

But here's the real question: What are they doing scheduling a debate on a Saturday night, when people ought to be out drinking? Fortunately, though, politics and booze can mix. Reader Steve Sudhoff offers a simple Democratic debate drinking game "modeled on the 'Hi Bob' game by viewers of 'The Bob Newhart Show' ":

Every time Kerry says the word "Vietnam," everyone watching the debate has to take a drink. As a new twist, any time one of the other candidates says the word "Vietnam," take two drinks, and if the moderator says the word "Vietnam," take three drinks.

Be warned: If you play this game, you're likely to drop to the ground long before Kerry drops out of the race.

You Don't Say--III
"Fans Cheer Dixie Chicks at Concert"--headline, MSNBC.com, May 2

You Don't Say--IV
"Study: Not All Michigan Schools Have Highly Qualified Teachers"--headline, Associated Press, May 1

What Would We Do Without Thinkers?
"EU Must Engage U.S. in Dialogue, Trade--Thinkers"--headline, Reuters, May 2

Say What?--I
"Ex-Future First Chief Arrested"--headline, (Jacksonville) Florida Times-Union, May 2

Say What?--II
"Teen Uses Wheelchair to Open Eyes"--headline, (Baton Rouge, La.) Advocate, May 1

Great Moments in Civil Rights
"The U.S. Commission on Civil Rights has been ordered to reinstate a Hispanic employee it discriminated against and must also pay her $165,000 in damages, legal fees and other relief, including medical expenses," the Washington Times reports:

"[The civil rights commission] is found to have discriminated on the basis of reprisal when it retaliated against an individual by assigning her less complex duties," said the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission in its written rejection of the civil rights commission's final appeal last month.

The employee, Emma Monroig, alleged but did not prove that the discrimination was on account of her ethnicity. The Civil Rights Commission was last in the news last summer, when an appeals court put a stop to chairman Mary Frances Berry's effort to prevent Bush appointees from taking their seats on the commission.

The Baton Rouge Advocate reports that the chairman of Louisiana's Legislative Black Caucus "expressed concern Monday that growing white enrollment at the Southern University Law Center might be keeping out black applicants." University system president Leon Tarver "said the law center is one of the most racially diverse in the nation, with 60 percent black enrollment and 40 percent white." That's too much integration for state Rep. Arthur Morrell, who says: "That school was created for a reason, and if that reason is dissipating, what's going to happen to the minorities who want to attend law school but can't get in?"

Elsewhere in Louisiana, the New Orleans Times-Picayune reports that a high school in St. James Parish, integrated pursuant to a federal court order 34 years ago, is finally getting around to scrapping its practice of holding segregated proms. But in Georgia, they're actually taking a step backward: "A year after the school's first integrated prom, some students at Taylor County High School have decided to once again hold a separate, private gala for whites only," reports the Gwinnett Daily Post.

Maybe they should plan a postgraduation trip to Japan, where, according to the Daily Telegraph, a "cult hopes to save the world with white sheets."

Common Ground in the Abortion Debate
"A doctor . . . could have his medical license suspended or revoked for allegedly performing an abortion on a woman who wasn't pregnant," reports the Belleville (Ill.) News-Democrat. The complaint accuses Dr. Yogendra Shah "of performing an abortion on a woman on March 26, 1998, when she was not pregnant. The doctor failed to perform a test to determine whether the woman was pregnant, according to the complaint."

We had no idea it was illegal to perform an abortion on a woman who isn't pregnant, and frankly, this law is insane. If a woman isn't pregnant, even pro-lifers have no reason to object to her having an abortion. And on the other side, why in the world should a woman have to get pregnant in order to exercise her right to choose? Then there's the unconscionable invasion of privacy this law entails. Pro-choice advocates say that mandatory counseling or a 24-hour waiting period puts an undue burden on a woman's right to choose. But neither of these measures seems anywhere near as intrusive as forcing her to take a pregnancy test.

Furthermore, dropping the pregnancy requirement for abortion would do away with a great injustice in existing law, under which men, who through no fault of their own can't get pregnant, are denied the right ever to have an abortion. Get your laws off our body!

(Elizabeth Crowley helps compile Best of the Web Today. Thanks to Robert LeChevalier, Damian Bennett, Mara Gold, Gregory Baruch, Bruce Oakley, Jerome Marcus, Joe Deltoro, David Schlosser, Anita Parillo, Joel Goldberg, David Merrill, John Mcdaniel, Jim Incognito, Diane Ravitch, Jeffrey Shapiro, Michael Segal, Natalie Cohen, Jennifer Ray, C.E. Dobkin, Ray Burnham, Pat Mizell, S.E. Brenner, Gregory Taylor, Barak Moore, Rosanne Klass, Todd Warnick, Carl Sherer, Henry Stern, Michael Hopkovitz, Russell DePalma, Tzvi Grossman, Gad Meir, Judie Amsel, Aaron Gross, Jim Moseley, Tom Linehan, Patrick Webb, Hershel Ginsburg, Jay Grady, Matt Drance, Dave Weaver, David Cushing, Donnie Smith, Mary Stagg, Jay Brinkmann, Joe Littrell, Brian Pleshek, Mark Schulze and Christopher Threlkeld. If you have a tip, write us at opinionjournal@wsj.com, and please include the URL.)

Today on OpinionJournal:

• Review & Outlook: The Saudi pullout is one of the first benefits of Iraq's liberation.
• Daniel Henninger: Americans are virtually unanimous in finding public schools awful..
• Abraham Sofaer: The "road map" won't lead to peace if it bypasses the causes of war.

And on the Taste page:

• Review & Outlook: File-sharing software spreads smut--and worse.
• Tony & Tacky: Princeton University gets into the thong business.
• Collin Levey: Why cockfighting and other animal sports persist in America.
• Sally Satel: An army of therapists descends on Iraq.
• John Miller: An award that tries to reconcile science and religion.