From the WSJ Opinion Archives

by JAMES TARANTO
Tuesday, November 19, 2002 4:02 P.M. EST

The Biden Doctrine
Who says the Democrats don't have a coherent view of foreign policy? Not Joe Biden, that's for sure. In an interview with USA Today's DeWayne Wickham, the soon to be former chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee leaves no doubt where he stands. "The guys who have to fight this war don't think it's a good idea," the Delaware Dem declaims to DeWayne.

Biden accuses Republicans of having taken "something that nobody, including the president, believes is an imminent danger and moved it up in the election cycle." He claims there is "zero evidence that Saddam has cooperated with al-Qaeda." And he quotes "the unnamed chairman of one of the military services" as saying that a military strike against Saddam Hussein would be "the dumbest thing in the world." We don't agree with Biden, but we've got to admire him for taking a forthright stand.

But hold on a second. We hate to be rude, but didn't Biden vote in favor of the resolution authorizing war in Iraq? By golly, a look at the roll call confirms that he did! What's going on here? Wickham explains:

(Biden said that after his own more restrictive resolution lost support, he reluctantly backed the one that passed to give Secretary of State Colin Powell the leverage he needed to get the United Nations to adopt a resolution that would slow the Bush administration's rush to war.)

It's so obvious when you stop to think about it! He voted in favor of war to "slow" the "rush to war." Call it the Biden doctrine of "appeasement through strength."

You Don't Say--I
"Iraq Situation Tense, Says Blix"--headline, CNN.com, Nov. 19

You Don't Say--II
"Poll: Many Think Iraq Won't Comply"--headline, Associated Press, Nov. 18

You Don't Say--III
"UN-Washington Differ Over Definition of Iraqi Arms Violation"--headline, Jerusalem Post, Nov. 19

Not So Mad in Madison
Madison, Wis., is a left-wing college town, so it's not surprising that the City Council there has taken up a resolution urging that America allow Saddam Hussein to stay in power. But based on a report in the Badger Herald, a University of Wisconsin student newspaper, there doesn't seem to be much support for the effort among students. Nick Cekosh, the state "chair" of the College Republicans, opposes the resolution, predictably enough. But so does Steven Singh of the College Democrats, whom the paper also describes as being a piece of furniture:

"I really don't see what business City Council has in debating a federal-level legislation," said Singh, who believes the common council should focus their efforts on more issues directly affecting the well-being of Madison residents. "We had a riot on State Street two weeks ago; there have been several on-campus sexual assaults this semester. The war should not be their No. 1 priority."

But while political correctness may be fading among college students, there are still a lot of insane faculty members, such as Frank Stahl, a geneticist at the University of Oregon. The Eugene Weekly reports Stahl is pushing the faculty senate to pass a resolution opposed to regime change in Iraq, though the university's president, Dave Frohnmayer, opposes the effort. Stahl seems to be suffering from hallucinations:

The nation is faced with "a fascist takeover of the American government," Stahl says. The Bush administration is colluding with corporations to use the war to hold its grip on power, Stahl says. "It's a way to keep the citizenry repressed," he says. . . .

Stahl says universities can flourish only in democratic countries and that war threatens democracy. "The whole concept of political debate (or scientific debate, or cultural debate) is likely to be rendered meaningless by the further erosion of civil liberties that is bound to accompany an increased state of war," Stahl says. . . .

Stahl says an anti-war vote could cost the UO support in the Republican state Legislature and from corporations. But he says such considerations shouldn't matter. "It mattered to the German universities, that's why they shut up when their Jews were murdered [in World War II]," Stahl says. "You can wonder if a university is worth saving if it doesn't take a stand."

Oddly enough, Stahl hasn't signed the "Not in Our Name" petition, though Joe Michael Stahlman ("I am a human being who wants to do what I believe is right") has. Here are some other signers:

  • Imalfor Offing Adictaytur, "Environmental activist"
  • William Dallas Anderson III, "American living abroad that is becoming embarassed to be an American"
  • Eata Small Animal, "Peta"
  • Lib Asilly, "pretend author"
  • You-must Be-joking, "U S Citizen"
  • Mussolini Benito, "Public Affairs Activist, Politcal Organizer"
  • Emerson Biggunz, "Photographer, Hustler Magazine"
  • Notre Al Bright, "Watermelon"
  • Notso Bright
  • Americans Behind Bush, "Millions of American Citizens"
  • Anita Clue
  • Laura J. Cody, "Regular American Citizen/ Ed Asner For President"
  • Lib Errol Coward, "Multicultural and Neural Receptor Deficient"
  • Allan Marcus Dingleberry, "Lunkhead"
  • Iosif V. Djugashvili, "Teacher, film editor, artist, Secretary General, activist"
  • Special Ed, "computer user"
  • Durt Eeter, "famous liberal archetype"
  • Jodie Evans, "Bad Babes with Bucks and Their Buddies, women of mens speaking out for the earth, the values of their country and the needs of the people."

Up at Berkeley, the Daily Californian quotes "expert" David Zook, a political science professor, as saying "Berkeley is very anti-war, so it would seem a very unlikely target [for terrorism], because it would turn a bastion of anti-war feeling against you." It's awfully naive to think that Islamic fanatics would refrain from murdering infidels just because they're "antiwar."

But even more remarkable, consider what Zook is saying about his neighbors. To hear him tell it, there's no principle behind their "antiwar" position. As long as terrorists are only killing Americans, Berkeley stands with the terrorists. But if they kill Berkeleyites, why then it's war. Here's our question, though: Who's going to stop the terrorists once they hit Berkeley? You and what army?

You Don't Say--IV
"Israel: Hijack Attempt Was Act of Terror"--headline, FoxNews.com, Nov. 18

You Don't Say--V
"Analysis: Violence Between Israelis and Palestinians Continues"--headline, NPR.com ("Weekend Edition), Nov. 17

You Don't Say--VI
"The State Department cautioned U.S. citizens Monday that travel in Afghanistan can be dangerous."--Associated Press, Nov. 18

How Young EU-niks Have Fun
Three foreign-exchange students from Europe have left America "after a host family stumbled upon a homemade video of the teens in terrorist garb, waving a gun and mocking the American flag," Salt Lake City's Deseret News reports. The three--a 16-year-old Spaniard and a Swede and a German, both 17, were attending Utah's Payson High School and "appeared disenchanted with life in a quiet suburb," the News reports. Gary Thurston, the father of two of the boys' host family, found the video, which "showed the boys wearing sheets or pillow cases on their heads like turbans":

They also boasted about planting bombs at the World Trade Center, hijacking airplanes and demanding ransom money, said Thurston, who alerted police and officials from the EF Foundation for Foreign Study after viewing the tape.

The boys claimed in the video to be Osama bin Laden, Saddam Hussein and Mohammed Atta and pretended to shoot the flag with a BB gun, Thurston said.

The U.S. flag was hanging on the wall behind the boys while they filmed the video. "They said, 'We don't have a lighter but if we did we'd light it,' " Thurston said.

The Europeans certainly inculcate a sophistication and refinement in their youths, don't they?

Stupidity Watch
MSNBC.com reports (last item) that actor George Clooney, who starred in the 1987 film "Grizzly II: The Predator," thinks America has gotten too big for its britches:

When a London Observer reporter asked about America's actions post 9/11, he replied: "We live on an island. A giant big f---ing island. We don't understand that people actually get mad at us. We still think of ourselves in terms of WW2. It's not uncommon for us to say to France, 'Hey, you'd still be speaking German if it wasn't for us.' The problem is the world has changed, and our involvement in these tiny little places is different than it was in 1941. It was a lot clearer then. We were attacked."

Apparenty the reporter didn't explain to the clueless Clooney that "9/11" refers to another incident in which we were attacked.

If You Can't Beat 'Em, 'Beat' Em
Democrats are divided on the prospect of an Al Gore run for president in 2004, reports USA Today:

"Most activists in the party--right, left or center--are pretty skeptical about a Gore campaign," says Robert Borosage, co-chair of a liberal advocacy group called the Campaign for America's Future. But among many of the Democratic voters who will dominate the 2004 primaries, the view of Gore is more favorable, he says. For them, "He is the guy who beat Bush last time and deserves another shot."

Apparently many Democratic voters define beat as meaning "lost to." In which case, why not dispense with Gore and nominate Michael Dukakis again? After all, back in 1988 he "beat" the president's father by a much wider margin than Gore "beat" the younger Bush.

You Don't Say--VII
"Gore Says He Could Have Run Better Campaign in 2000"--headline, Reuters, Nov. 15

Land of 10,000 Aches
Liberals in Minnesota are really hurting. An epidemic of seasonal affective disorder seems to have struck the left side of the Gopher State sometime around 6 a.m. Nov. 6. Former humorist Garrison Keillor, who took to the pages of Salon.com the following day with a bitter rant against his senator-elect, Norm Coleman, has penned a petulant follow-up (full article requires subscription): "Republicans don't like my criticism? Too bad. They have to answer for Norm Coleman's campaign, which exploited 9/11 in a way that was truly evil."

The St. Paul Pioneer Press reports that Keillor is alienating fellow liberals with his intemperate commentary. Minnesota political hand Blois Olson, a self-described "Democrat forever," "characterized the Keillor rants as 'probably the most bitter, immature commentary of that kind that I can ever remember.' " At Minnesota Public Radio, where Keillor's "A Prairie Home Companion" originates, "it is known that several reporters and hosts were openly angered by the predicament in which the columns put them with the Coleman camp and less sympathetic listeners." And the Pioneer Press itself rejected a less-harsh version of the Salon article:

Steve Dornfeld, associate editor for this paper's editorial page, says he declined the piece on the grounds that it was "just a funny, unflattering story about Coleman" and "a little light on substance." And yes, it was, he says, the first time he's rejected a submission from Garrison Keillor.

"Yeah," Dornfeld said, "and he doesn't take kindly to that."

On the op-ed page of the far-left Minneapolis Star Tribune, meanwhile, one Susan Lenfestey says the election made her so miserable that she fled Minneapolis for Mackinac Island, Mich.:

My soul feels as if someone's pinning it down with a muddy boot.

I'm haunted by an image of the last days of the campaign. All of us in Minnesota are floating in lifeboats in the dark choppy ocean surrounded by ice chunks--very post-Titanic. Along comes an elegant old ship, its worn but classic prow slicing slowly through the wreckage. SS MONDALE can be seen faintly, but distinctly, on its side. Ah, we breathe. We're saved. It's going to be OK.

But the brawny young men rowing the lifeboat don't get it. They don't like the look of this old ship. Instead, they turn us toward the buzz of a noisy motor, throttled back to near-idle. Over our protests they pull hard on the oars until we see the long snarky nose of a cigarette boat, painted in neon, advertising fast food and fuel. Norm Coleman's at the helm, in a faux nautical cap, beckoning. . . . The SS MONDALE glides on by into the blackness, and the young men scramble on board the SS NORM, leaving the rest of us to fend for ourselves in the inky night.

For crying out loud, Susan, get a grip. It's only an election.

Zero-Tolerance Watch
"Tag, dodge ball and other playground favorites are coming under more scrutiny at many New Jersey schools, as the threat of injuries and lawsuits spurs more districts to ban the games," Philadelphia's WPVI-TV reports from Trenton:

In Long Hill, a ban on tag was part of a code of conduct signed by pupils at one of the Morris County district's elementary schools this year. Instead, a modified version of the game is played indoors with plenty of supervision.

"The idea of loosely running around and chasing each other is not safe," Long Hill Superintendent Arthur DiBenedetto told The Star-Ledger of Newark for Monday's editions.

Maybe this is part of an elaborate effort to fake out terrorists by making them think we're a nation of wimps.

Homer Nods
Our item yesterday on Mark Lowry's anti-Christian performance review misstated the newspaper for which Lowry works. It is the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, not the Dallas Morning News. We've corrected the error but are acknowledging it here because we feel we owe the News an apology.

You Don't Say--VIII
"Why Family Massacres Happen: Loss of Control Is Issue, Experts Say"--headline, San Francisco Chronicle, Nov. 17

Say What?
"Repeat DUI Cases Are Sobering"--headline, Quad-City Times (Davenport, Iowa), Nov. 18

Not Too Brite--XIX
Hitler and his crew were a barrel of laughs, or at least the folks at Reuters seem to think so. "The Nazis conducted tests on a cocaine-based 'wonder drug' during World War II they hoped would enhance the performance of the war-weary German army," the wire service reports. "Prisoners at the Sachsenhausen concentration camp who had been given the drug were reportedly able to march 55 miles with 44-pound packs without a rest." This appears under the heading "Oddly Enough."

Not Too Entertaining
"Singer Michael Jackson briefly dangled a barefoot baby over the railing of his fourth-floor hotel window on Tuesday, providing a momentary if odd thriller for fans waiting on Berlin's central square below," Reuters reports. (Here's a photo.) This one, Reuters classifies as "Entertainment."

She Held Him at Toast Point
Credit blogger Tim Blair for noting this horrifying item from the Victoria (Texas) Advocate:

Mariela Quinonez Karbowski, 29, is accused of beating her estranged husband, Terry Karbowski, 63, to death with a two-slice toaster in early August when he came to her Victoria home on a visit from Houston. Then, charges allege, she drove his body, the toaster and a gun through Houston to Liberty County where she threw all three in a rain-swollen Trinity River a short distance from a bar owned by Karbowski and run by the man's son in the town of Liberty.

This underscores the need for effective toaster control. Plainly existing laws are not enough to prevent far too many Americans from dying in toaster-related violence--to say nothing of accidental fires and electrocutions. Our goal should be a total ban on toasters, but at the very least we should be demanding laws requiring licensing of toasters, a 30-day waiting period before buying a toaster, and locks to prevent children from accidentally setting off the toaster's "trigger." It's a chilling thought indeed that in kitchens across America children have easy access to weapons like this one.

Toasters are so dangerous that in most states even the police don't carry them. Toaster nuts claim that the appliances have a long heritage in America, but scholars at Emory University have demonstrated that in fact colonists owned very few toasters. Jack Sorensen points out that "popping toast in your toaster might blow up the universe"--making toasters the only devices sold in America that can cause total annihilation when used as directed. We must stamp out this scourge.

(Elizabeth Crowley helps compile Best of the Web Today. Thanks to Mary Ann Lomascolo, Reuven Weiser, Steve Roberts, Barak Moore, Steve Harkins, Pavel Bouska, Ben White, Frank Villelli, Daniel Goldstein, Gadi Niram, Joseph Sasson, Robert LeChevalier, William Whitney, Marie Bourgeois, Ed Lilly, Matthew Noonan, Joshua Weiner, Tim Nolan, Scott Criss, Pamela Giss, Curt Schmidt, Joe Himmelberg, Brad Newcomer, William Rudolph, George Seay, Ford Lacy, John Ahlers, Michael Threet, Bob Bardell, David Shnaider, John Couch, Ed Hunt, Joe Hobden, Jack Follick, Gary Petersen, Mike Basham, John Podhoretz, Don Mishell and Howard Weiser. If you have a tip, write us at opinionjournal@wsj.com, and please include the URL.)

Today on OpinionJournal:

Click to email this article EMAIL THIS Click to format this article for printing FORMAT FOR PRINTING
ARCHIVE