by JAMES TARANTO
Tuesday, October 15, 2002 2:53 P.M. EDT

Suckers for Saddam
Iraq is holding a sham election today, in which citizens "vote" on whether Saddam Hussein should serve another seven years as president. Under the watchful eye of Saddam's thugs, these "voters" must sign their names to the "ballots," and any who dare vote "no" can expect to be executed.

It's a mystery why Western news organizations insist on portraying this as if it were an actual election. We've previously criticized Reuters and CNN for this, but it's very widespread:

• "Iraq Says 'Yes' to Saddam; Voters Show Support as U.S. Threat Mounts"--headline, MSNBC.com, Oct. 15

• "Iraqis Urged to Back Hussein 100%"--headline, San Francisco Chronicle, Oct. 15

• "Saddam Aims for 100% Support"--headline, BBC, Oct. 15

• "Although President Saddam Hussein faces no challenger in Tuesday's presidential referendum, the government is pushing for the highest percentage of 'yes' votes to paint Saddam as a popular leader in a rebuke to the United States."--lead paragraph, Associated Press dispatch, Oct. 15

CNN and Reuters are still at it too. A CNN.com headline from yesterday declares: "Election All but Assured for Saddam." (Isn't that "all but" a lovely touch?) Today's follow-up: "Landslide Expected in Saddam Poll."

Reuters leads off its "report" with this ludicrous statement: "Defiant Iraqis lined up to show their support for Saddam Hussein Tuesday as Western powers were deadlocked over how to deal with the veteran leader they say threatens world security." A captive people does a dictator's bidding under threat of death--only in Reuterville could anyone call this "defiant."

Worst of all is the Los Angeles Times. Reporter Michael Slackman's article carries the headline "For Iraqis, Vote for Hussein Is an Exercise in Democracy." "Of course the outcome is preordained," Slackman acknowledges. "But then, so is Western reaction"--as if making a mockery of democracy were morally equivalent to recognizing that someone's made a mockery of democracy.

The New York Times and Washington Post deserve credit for playing the story at least somewhat straight, albeit with excessive understatement. The Times' headline reads "Iraqis Cheer for Their President, but Their Real Mood Is Hard to Read." The Post has a silly headline--"In Iraqi Ballot on Hussein, All Signs Pointing to Yes"--but at least the subheadline acknowledges it's an "orchestrated referendum."

Modern Problems
In an unusually sensible Arab News op-ed piece, Abdul Qader Tash tackles the question of how to improve Islam's image in the West. "We must . . . present Islam as a message of guidance and mercy to all people and one that will bring them peace and blessings," he writes. "We should describe it as a philosophy and system that would contribute to finding workable solutions for many problems of the modern world."

Elsewhere, the Saudi paper's Adil Salahi, the Wahhabi Dear Abby, deals with such "problems of the modern world" as the "grave mistake" of a 13-year-old girl who years ago prayed while she was menstruating. Salahi also defends polygamy: "Take for example the case of a woman who has some chronic illness which makes her unable to meet some of her marital duties. Her husband may not wish to divorce her, but he needs that fulfillment. Allowing him a second wife serves the interests of both man and wife."

Here's some evidence that Islam can coexist with Western culture: Ha'aretz reports that the U.S. government-owned Radio Sawa "is now the most popular radio station among young people in Amman, the capital of Jordan." The station, which features "lots of Arabic and Western music, combined with punchy, up-to-date news reports," is also drawing listeners "in other countries of the Middle East, the Persian Gulf and Africa."

Fox News, meanwhile, reports that American Muslims are embracing rap music--and if Muslim rappers are to be believed, they're shunning the obscenity for which the form is famous. "You'll never find anything in our lyrics that's degrading to women--never," says Joshua Salaam of the group Native Deen. "When there are references to women, they're either about praising our mothers or about how much we love our wives."

Fox says Salaam's interest in rap grows out of his childhood, in which he had trouble fitting in: "Because Muslim youths aren't allowed to date until they marry, must pray five times a day and are expected to adhere to diet and dress requirements, Salaam said being a teenager wasn't easy." Actually, Muslims not being allowed to date until they marry isn't as restrictive as it sounds. After all, Christians and Jews generally aren't even allowed to date after they marry.

'Conclusive Proof'
A statement purportedly from Osama bin Laden "praised the perpetrators of last week's anti-Western attacks in Kuwait and Yemen and warned the United States and Israel in a statement of more carnage to come," Reuters reports:

The statement, faxed to Qatar's Jazeera television and carried by Jazeera and at least one Islamist Web site, could be the first conclusive proof that the Saudi-born militant had survived last year's U.S.-led military campaign in Afghanistan.

Another Reuters dispatch on the same subject declares: "Washington blames bin Laden and his al Qaeda network for the hijacked plane attacks on New York and Washington."

So let's see if we have this straight. Reuters thinks a fax is "conclusive proof," but it still isn't convinced al Qaeda was behind the Sept. 11 attacks.

A Religion of Peace
"A personal representative of Iran's supreme leader has called for three prominent US Protestant ministers to be killed," Agence France-Presse reports. Ayatollah Mohsen Mujtahed Shabestari apparently was referring to Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson and Franklin Graham. Falwell, you'll recall, made remarks on CBS's "60 Minutes" to the effect that Islam is a violent religion. Once they've killed him, he certainly won't do that again.

You Don't Say--I
"Bali Bombing a Blow for Tourism"--headline, CNN.com, Oct. 15

You Don't Say--II
"Bin Laden Follower Attacks Possible"--headline, Associated Press, Oct. 14

You Don't Say--III
"Kuwaiti news organizations give prominent coverage to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, often emphasizing the Palestinian point of view."--New York Times, Oct. 15

Stupidity Watch
You've heard of WWJD? For the Los Angeles Times' Robert Scheer, it stands for "What Would Jimmy Do?": "While Carter has exhibited the patience of the peacemaker, a sweet Jesus for our time, willing to rebuke contemptible leaders while offering them a path for redemption, [President] Bush has become a self-fulfilling prophet of war, delighting in the discovery of what he defines as immutable evil, thereby justifying an endless crusade against the infidels."

Carter won a Nobel Peace Prize in 2002. That means he's in Yasser Arafat's league, not Jesus'.

Say What?
"Police Doused With Sniper Tips"--headline, Associated Press, Oct. 14

Great Moments in Public Education
The Washington Times' John McCaslin reports that the National Education Association, the nation's biggest union of government-employed teachers, put out a press release titled "NEA Backs President Bartlet's Call for School Quality."

President who? It turns out "President Bartlet" is a fictional character on a TV show. America's teachers, it would seem, are spending too much time in front of the idiot box.

How to Make Politics Fun
From the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, July 30, 2000:

Newly elected Ald. Rosa Cameron-Rollins entered her first meeting as a member of the community development block grant policy committee smiling, shaking hands and greeting those around her.

As others filed in with blank or serious faces, a slightly bored official turned to another bureaucrat in the audience and observed: "Rosa's the only one who looks like she's having any fun."

From the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, Oct. 15, 2002:

Milwaukee Ald. Rosa Cameron plans to resign her position and plead guilty to two felonies related to the misuse of federal block grant funds. Prosecutors will recommend that she be sentenced to 16 months in prison.

You Don't Say--IV
"Poor Leadership Fueled Enron's Failure, CEO Says"--headline, Houston Chronicle, Oct. 14

Dead Meet
A Reuters dispatch from Winnipeg, Manitoba, quotes one Rene Durocher, who "runs a program that arranges meetings between inmates serving life sentences, for crimes such as murder, and their victims." How can Canada, which doesn't have the death penalty, arrange meetings between murderers and their victims?

Wino Euphemism?
"Seattle to Build Housing for Street Drunks," reads a headline in the Seattle Times. Wow, how did such a straightforward description as "street drunks" ever get through the paper's politically correct filters? If bums are "the homeless," why aren't street drunks "temporarily intoxicated" or "sobriety challenged"?

Drunk but Not Demented
Do you drink to forget? It won't work in the long run, a new study suggests. "Something in a glass of wine appears to protect people from the most common forms of dementia--Alzheimer's disease or stroke-cause mental deterioration," United Press International reports.

UPI quotes an epidemiologist who speculates that the dementia-preventing agent is something called "flavonoids." But we've got a better theory. Everyone knows that alcohol kills brain cells, right? What's less commonly known is that what really makes the brain work is the "synapses," the spaces between cells, through which neurotransmitters pass. By killing brain cells, alcohol widens the synapses, thereby increasing brain power. As in bodybuilding, however, the rule is "no pain, no gain." Remember this the next time you awaken with a headache the morning after drinking.

Today on OpinionJournal:

• Ralph Peters: The Bali attack shows the terrorists' weakness.
• Tom Bray: Republicans should be losing big. Here's why they aren't.
• Claudia Rosett: Will Moscow again honor a Bolshevik butcher with a statue?